Be Merciful to Readers and Kill Those Adverbs (do it aggressively, ruthlessly, mercilessly)--INKBLOTS

What are your favorite Twain-isms?

Sunday evening we had 78 people crammed into the Scriptorium for Reformation Then & Now, but this quiet evening for 'Blots we had six brave souls, fearless against the oncoming winter weather, dashing out in a lull of still benign autumn temperatures and little rain. John brought some vin du turpentine pays du tar concocted by a friend (I'd go with former friend, stuff'll embalm your innards).

Heroically (argh! an adverb creepingly elbowing in) launching in, Rachel Ng led off with her post WWII, Red Scare era yarn underway. Chapter two ten years later, the opening chapter being during the war when the couple first met. Rachel's command of words, and the images they conjure up, is delightful, and her oral reading has so much verve and energy. Dangled limply... isn't dangling by definition limply? Kill the adverb. Clever the way you use the German photographer in this post-war yarn. We asked Bob (since he would have lived through all that) how a German would be treated in the post-war era. He felt that this was Rachel writing in a more mature fashion, far fewer adjectives. He could close his eyes and see her bustling about her days work. Every word must have work to do for good writers. Do you need D-&@# several times in imperative sequence? What is your objective in doing so? I've been featuring the theme of how Christian writers portray evil and use language in their writing on my podcast The Scriptorium. In my writing, I have decided not to swear, or use excessive vulgar language, and certainly not to take the Lord's name in vain (there was at least one place where most would consider the language taking the Lord's name in vain). Poached from the post along with his two Pulitzers--you had fun with that alliteration.

John rereads the last chapter of Saving Grace, after multiple rewrites. The three keys to good writing are rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. There is a labor and delivery scene in this chapter, a difficult activity for a man to write about. We talked about using a visual icon at heads of chapters. More often seen in YA fiction than in an adult audience book. Consensus was that we like the changes John has read, especially adding Amazing Grace stanza. Very fitting.

Cheyenne read next from her dystopian Japanese-esque story. She uses Japanese names. Be careful with these, especially if they are difficult for readers to pronounce. You might try abbreviated versions of more complex names. You don't want to derail your reader every time they come across a difficult name. Another thought on names, avoid using names that begin with the same letter, also introducing confusion for readers as they get farther into the book and skim when they come to attributions. Vary first letters as a courtesy to your reader and to maintain forward, uninterrupted pace. Without over writing, you might consider describing with a simile how Japanese people's heads bob as they talk to you. Why didn't she need to answer. I feel like the money exchange and the employment needs more showing. The non verbals are cryptic and too hasty for the reader to get, but avoid overwriting it as you flesh it out. For example, your protagonist figures out he was more interested in an employee, but we don't see how she came to that conclusion. Show her sarcastic attitude with body language, facial expression, gesture. Was a little muted--just muted. Show them chewing and swallowing and spearing meat with their chopsticks, silence revealing except for grunts of satisfaction, pleasure, lips smacking, chopsticks clicking and scraping on bowls. What to describe with more development and what to state and move on. What is essential to character (especially protagonist) development and moves the plot forward needs more description.

Sydney rewrote the same chapter she read last 'Blots but changed to first person point of view. My first impression is that first person his more vigorous, immediate, and evocative. Sydney reads so well, with intensity, clarity, inflecting appropriately for the narrative and the dialogue. Though so far there is little dialogue.When this is picked up by a giddy publisher someday, Sydney needs to do author-read audio book version. The comparison of his mother's death and Christ's death long before. The thing that first person does for you so effectively is it fixes the concern we expressed last time you read. Description took over and your character was subsumed and subordinate to the description. Not anymore. And it's because you are seeing everything from the point of view of your protagonist. Cheyenne pointed out that there was less hearing and smelling. 

I read my final chapter in THE RESISTANCE, imminently forthcoming, off to press tomorrow. It was the second writing of the last chapter, the first version longer and tying up more loose ends--too many. This leaves the reader wanting more, I feel. It is romantic but I hope not mushy. You can pre-order at a special rate at bondbooks.net