INKBLOTS Men's writing gathering, November

INKBLOTS – November, 2010

Wind is blowing hard, rain, dark evening, fire crackling in the sitting room at the McComas’ home, and while I was reading chapter five of The Thundering, a novel on John Knox, branches, good-sized ones, fell on the roof and everything suddenly went black--power outages all over the region, including chunks of Tacoma, especially northend where we live. Crossing the Narrows Bridge in it was reminiscent of November 7, 1940 when Galloping Gertie galloped into the deeps of the channel. I'm happy to report that the new bridge held out as we drove home. All of which made for a mysterious and memorable evening. John brought along a fine bottle of Canoe Ridge, 1999 merlot.

Dougie Mac led off with his new tale of 1950 era, Korean missionary kid, comes home, gets married, finds himself in Marine Corps in Korean War, desperate to find his lost missionary parents. That’s the summary. Dougie read chapter one. Opening with protagonist tinkering with his beloved car, sniffing engine oil—good opening scene, giving us insight into what makes his protagonist tick. Thomas, protagonist and interaction with his dad; father and son at seventeen, curious observation from a guy who has all girls! But it brings up a good point about how important being a keen observer of people, especially ones whose lives are different from our own. Some favorite lines that made us laugh: Just me and the guys, Dad (after asking if he could go to the drive in). (Dad’s laconic reply) Exactly. Doug has a good grasp of the nuanced interplay between different players, cars, even Baptists and Presbyterians (written by a guy who’s been both, either, or, and). This is boy/girl candidly romantic story from the point of view of Christian-raised church guys feeling the pull of the world’s view of sex and romance. A bit over written, in a place or two, though after I had you reread it, it sounded pretty good, so be careful as you edit and revise here. Stands out to me that Thomas’s thoughts about his friends baiting him, and going too far in conversation about girls, and wishing he didn’t always go along with them. Dave pointed out that Lester and Frankie seemed like the same character, different name, a good observation. John kept saying, I liked it. You do a really good job.

Dave read a rewrite of part of his futuristic thriller magnum opus. Cory sitting by himself reading his Bible. Josh asked his uncle how he can know that God loves us. Mom, Mommy, and tears. This seems to be a bit out of the blue, but that may be that I have not kept the big picture together. A witnessing scene is difficult to pull off with authenticity—hard to write what is true and good without trivializing the very thing the well-intentioned author so wants to convey. The danger is actually doing the opposite of what one intends to do: the grand and glorious becomes the sentimental and banal. I’ve had to confront this many times in my writing, it seems. May I suggest going inside Josh’s head (the unbeliever) and make him scoff internally, show him being two faced, being nice and polite to his uncle but in his mind hating him, thinking he’s an ignorant simpleton, thinking he knows better than his uncle and all Christians. Work toward helping your reader see through the fallacies of the critic of the gospel. By showing his unfair scorn, his irrational rejection, his mocking of the witness his uncle, you the writer, thereby, help the reader shift to a more serious consideration of the truth of the gospel. John was pretty blunt about not liking the non-chalance of the killing scene, killing three guys after some effort at evangelism, then drinking a milk shake together. Be careful not to tack on evangelism and Christianity to legitimize your tale. Look for a key phrase that epitomizes the protagonist’s problem: Enemy of God… Weave it throughout, developing it as you go.

John reads new first chapter. “Think we’ll have any trouble tonight?” Dougie when he heard this said, “He’s dead.” Careful of being too predictable. This is a police bust of a gang deal going down in a warehouse in Detroit inner-city. Music softly playing… kids and music softly playing. Softly? Andy’s left eye began to twitch. Shooting, getting shot, being confronted by vengeful gang banger. Good work with the cop talking to the gang member, buying time. Make the officer who’s down, go inside his pain, what does that feel like, so your reader feels the downed officer’s agony from gunshot wound. And more family reflection of his wife, personal things, his kids, his horror that the gang banger is threatening to kill his wife and children. Have the partners earlier chatting about kid’s birthday party next day or that evening. Have his partner down be able to fire, save Andy’s life from the execution style shooting about to happen. Chapter one ends with gun shot, Andy thinks it was for him, all fades to black. Chapter two begins: it was his partner that he thought was dead who shot the gang banger. 

INK BLOTS Writers' Club

INK BLOTS 12/20/09 (setting: DM’s sitting room, overstuffed chairs, fire crackling in the wood stove, 6 men, libation: Twisted Zin)

1. READER/WRITER: DM opened with on overview of his intriguing novel manuscript told from the point of view of an old man who finds his plane with engine troubles and a forced landing for repairs in a south pacific island-- one he had fought on in WWII. He is a missionary retiring and … A local missionary takes the old man in while the plane is being repaired. Over dinner the missionary draws out the story of the old man’s time in WWII on this island. Flashback to WWII.

DM put in at chapter 5 (10 minute reading rule), a flashback to when the old man was a young recruit, the ramp up to American involvement in WWII gaining steam. Marine recruits: The train in SD pulled into a station… Bakersfield CA. Ted grimaced… said, watching the sun reflect on the rounded corner, … shimmering in the central valley heat on the freeway…. Blah, blah… Cynical tone. Is this what you want, need? If so, for what purpose? Authenticity? Is this the way Marine recruits interacted? Maybe so. Avoid the gratuitous. Good use of actually historical material, quotes from what? Autobiographies, letters... Good reference to having to talk about God, but worth it to get war stories out of him (WWI, presumably). Your telling of getting off the bus, first encounter with drill instructor, learning to say “Sir,” Ted flat on his back—vivid story telling here.

COMMENT AND CRITIQUE: DB opens the comment and critique stage with a discussion of point of view. When do you choose to write in first person, third person, omniscient, second person? In this case, I urged DM to shift to first person, the old man’s intimate point of view as he tells the story of his fighting on this very island. Left in third person, DM loses the verisimilitude of the layers created by shifting into the old man’s head, his intimate recollections, his tortured memories, his unresolved moral dilemmas, the sudden awakenings in the night, his racing pulse, … in my opinion this is critical. Shift to the old man’s inner view, the perspective that readers will believe the most and you gain vast authenticity, integrity, and…

2. READER/WRITER: DK began rereading his futuristic tale of two brothers who grow up as to two rough and tumble young men striving with each other. One becomes president, a liberal, a socialist, Marxist, statist dictator, his brother opposes him. This is a sort of 1984-esque political satire, or is it an expose on contemporary liberal political theory and implementation. He shows the impersonalizing influence of resurgent Marxism in the United Socialist States.

Last time we critiqued his narrative as too dry, too something. I suggested that his narrative needed a point of view, a narrator who was a character, a point of view that legitimately could be telling the story, an authentic lens with a dog in the fight, someone to whom all this mattered deeply, and hence so to the reader.

There’s more fluidity to this draft this go around. But the shooting in North Carolina seems too abrupt. DM suggests shifting the narrative about the shooting to a newspaper article or seeing a news spot on the shooting while at a bar or whatever. I agree. The deal is, in my opinion, that the original narrative was disconnected from the effect that it needed to have on the protagonist.

I dominate the discussion (again) by trying to establish the writing, story telling principle in view here: Whatever happens in the story has to effect, impact, your protagonist, which is the important thing. If something, anything, happens in the story that does not impact the protagonist, it most likely does not need to be in this story. Save it for a tale where it does matter to the protagonist. That’s the principle, as I see it.

Again, some point of view problems, potentially. Is Alexis our main character, the one the reader will most identify with, the one that matters? There were name problems before, solved at least in part by having the brothers have different last names because of death of father and remarriage, making them half brothers. Avoid names that begin with the same letter (though I do it in Guns of Providence, but for reasons of authenticity)

RD asked why DK is writing the book. Good question. Idea came from present political currents. To DK, fiction was the best way to communicate the message he wanted to get across. Another civil war? It happened before. Could it happen again? The novel explores this. A what-if scenario. A way to “sprinkle in some history” and explore what we are about as a nation, what our constitution is really all about. Purpose for writing is critical. Just to entertain? To instruct?

DM referenced Provost’s Beyond Style. What percentage of the actual word count is message, what percentage is story, action, character development? Best writing the message will flow inevitably, necessarily, from the character and the conflict that must be resolved for that character.

DB referenced O’Conner create a complex character with real issues that generate real conflict in a real world, and that desperately need resolving. She then plunks the character down (plunk may not be the most accurate word here) in a real life situation that will force the character to act, that acting exposes the flaws in the character’s world view, is bludgeoned with inevitable violence and confronted with a moment of grace. Mystery and Manners is the O’Conner book I was referring to. Helpful writing perspective to be gained from it.

I then referenced CS Lewis and the three motives for writing: Write what the reader wants to read; write what you as an author think the reader needs; write what you, the author, need. Lewis argues that the last is the motive that compels him forward as a writer. In a naturalist world, seeing into the metaphysical world is what Lewis, is what all of us need. But it comes much more authentically to the reader when Lewis is exploring what he needs. And he doesn’t mix his genre and begin preaching. You choose a genre because it is the best genre to communicate what you need. Hence, children’s literature to communicate something children are strong at, seeing the unseen, imagining another world, playing.

Read Milton and classic poetry. Why? Adler and How to Read a Book. Poetry is the push-ups of prose. It gives you structural skill (cadence, rhythm, vast scrutiny of words), and vantage point and scope of feeling and …

GENERAL DISCUSSION AND PRODINGS TO WRITE: NSJ thinking about writing about his growing up years as missionary kid in Africa; a page written! AS not writing right now but thinking about writing children’s fiction and hymn poetry. RDM has written an Arthurian children’s retelling that is allegory for Christian young men to be noble knights (I’ve read and critiqued this privately). I close with reading a hymn based on Ephesians 2:11-22, strategically leaving little or no time for critique!