A TRAGEDY: Teens Unprepared for Life... and Eternity

A TRAGEDY: Teens Unprepared for Life... and Eternity, by Douglas Bond

Book Review: Preparing Your Teens for College (Alex Chediak, Tyndale, 2014)

Given the statistics, every Christian parent ought to be horrified at the prospect of sending their children off to college. If the collaborative statistics about young people between the ages of thirteen and twenty-nine can be even partially trustworthy, Christian parents have every reason to be seriously concerned about what lies ahead for our young people. The grim news: 60% of twenty-somethings who went to church when they were kids, the studies indicate, when they reach their enlightened twenties no longer have any connection to church. It gets worse.

Studies reveal that of the minority who do still manage to drag out to a church service once a week in their twenties, a statistical majority of them shop for a church that emphasizes youth relevance rather than a biblical Christ-centered approach to preaching and ministry. The studies conclude that 55% who do go to church are more interested in hanging out with their friends rather than knowing the God revealed in the Bible. Again, it gets worse. When our young people are asked what the gospel is, far too many stammer out an anemic limp-wristed explanation, a “therapeutic moralistic deism,” rather than the radical good news of justification by grace alone, through faith alone, in Jesus Christ alone.

The lives of too many who have grown up in Christian homes are a three-act tragedy: Act I: Life in the home aping their Christian parents; Act II: Life in the world feeding pigs and thinking they’re having a jolly time; Act III: Eternity.

Every honest Christian parent knows the story, a tragedy: another Christian family horrified, heart-broken, and humiliated at the rebellion and defection of one or more of their children. Presumptive self-confidence in our parental faithfulness notwithstanding, one of our children will be next, perhaps all the more likely so because of our delusional certainty that it only happens to other people’s kids.

A significant chunk of my motivation for writing my books for Fathers and Sons to read together came from tragic encounters with externally conforming church kids chucking their presumed faith over the rail, Christian parents grieving the rebellion of their kids, or, perhaps worse, their shrugging indifference to the gospel. And then there’s the worst of all: the externally conforming moralist, who lives two parallel lives, who looks like the rule-keeping elder brother on the outside—goes to youth group, goes to church, goes on mission trips, goes off to Christian college—but in secret is living with the pigs. And then the tragic tale begins to unravel.  

Given the prevalence of this three-act teen tragedy, what ought Christian parents to do? Drop everything and read Alex Chediak’s new book Preparing Your Teens for College.

 

Alex’s latest book “is a comprehensive survival manual on getting teens ready for whatever comes after high school.” Dr. Chediak, a professor in a Christian college, covers the entire range of issues parents need to know about college—and about their kids. He has laid the book out in six sections: Character, Faith, Relationships, Finances, Academics, and the College Decision itself. I like his emphasis on talking with our children, and continue talking with them, especially continue talking with them if they are the strong, silent male types (like two of my six), organize life around keeping the lines of communication wide open. 

Chediak covers such conversations as “training teens to take initiative, accept correction, delay gratification, and be firm in their Christian convictions while gracious towards those with other beliefs.” He writes about the importance of instilling in our children discernment in relationships and about establishing friendships that build up their faith, not tear it down. He covers the importance of maintaining an intentional purity in relationships with members of the opposite sex.  

Among the many other challenges facing Christian teens, our young people are growing up as members of what is being called Generation Broke. So it is extremely helpful when Chediak takes on the topic of money. College is expensive (one of my sons begins law school in the autumn and is married to a wonderful Christian girl—who attended a Christian college, one that encouraged her to go into tremendous debt for her college education, so I care a great deal about this topic). He helps parents help their teens learn to manage their money and how to practice financial stewardship. If they haven’t already, they will be getting credit cards in the mail, free money for the taking—and for taking away freedom. Chediak gives practical guidelines and strategies for avoiding the pitfalls of consumer debt and excessive student loan debt. 

But what about right now, the years immediately before college? Throughout the book Chediak helps parents prepare their teens for college by helping them motivate their young people to doing all their work as unto the Lord; he urges teens to use their high school years more intentionally, as a time to discover and nurture their academic talents and other interests. I appreciate the fact that Chediak, a college professor, does not make the blunder of assuming that all of our children ought to be planning to go to college (73% of college graduates who do get jobs, get jobs doing something they would not have needed their degree to do). He provides helpful encouragement that can aid parents and teens in making careful decisions about whether to pursue a four-year college, a two-year college, technical trade school, or other forms of vocational training. 

The book is enhanced by unique features that I found helpful: practical sidebars, tips, and links to other resources for studying specific topics in more detail; testimonials from the lives of real teens which demonstrate the principles explored in the book. Every chapter concludes with study guide questions—good ones! So often questions are less than helpful in books I have read that include them. But not this one. These questions help parents engage in meaningful conversations, ones designed specifically to preparing them for college. 

I do take issue a bit with the title. Chediak and his publisher may have sold themselves short. Preparing Teens for Life, might work better, in my opinion. Or it could have a subtitle: Ending the Tragedy. I applaud Alex for writing such a useful and compelling book, one I highly recommend for parents who are serious about preparing their young people for lives of joyful gratitude for the unmerited mercy of Jesus. 

Douglas Bond, is a PCA ruling elder, high school teacher, and author of STAND FAST In the Way of Truth, and HOLD FAST In a Broken World, and other books for young people and adults. Learn more at www.bondbooks.net

Why do kids cave-in to evangelists of unbelief in college?

Alex Chediak, author of Preparing Your Teens for College, sent me a copy of his new release--go buy this book! Since our four older kids have already (or almost) passed through the college experience, we already owned his book about kids thriving in college. We bought the first one, so it was a treat getting a complimentary copy of his new one from Alex. Below is my recent interview with this wonderful Christian brother:

1. Alex, I would love to hear how a guy goes from being a grad student at UC Berkeley (not exactly a bastion of Christian thought) to writing books to help prepare Christian young people for college? Tell us about that.
I began aspiring to Christian writing when I was in graduate school. Soon after completing my Ph.D. I got a job teaching at a Christian college. Ever since then, my days have been filled with college students. That got me writing articles, and later a book, to help them.
2. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks like you write primarily non-fiction books and articles. I realize you are a college professor (BTW, several of my CHS students have gone on to CBU and loved it), but I was looking at the picture of your beautiful family and three lovely children. Do you do any closet fiction writing for children (CS Lewis was also in academia, right?) or maybe not in the closet and you have a children's picture book about to release around the corner? Do your kids ever say, "Daddy, don't read us a story, TELL us a story!" And does that start awakening your creative imagination to write fiction?
I’ve read my children the first two Narnia books (among other fiction). They love stories – to read them, and to have me tell them. Mine aren’t very good, I fear. When my recently completed book, Preparing Your Teens for College, arrived in the mail, my soon-to-be eight year old daughter said to me. “Daddy, when are you going to write a book that we can read?” She then pointed to her collection and said, “Something like this.” I guess I have my marching orders!
3. What prompted you to write your newest release, Preparing Your Teens for College? Were you seeing specific problems and issues among young people coming from Christian homes at the university you teach at? What were some of those?
More people than ever are going to college today, as we’re fast becoming a skill- and knowledge-based economy. Between 1973 and 2007, 63 million jobs were added to the U.S. economy, while the number of jobs held by people with only a high school degree fell by about two million. Not only is there a growing need for a post-secondary credential of some sort, the earnings premium for those who hold an associate’s or bachelor’s degree over those who don’t continues to grow each year. It pays to have a college degree—literally. 
The problem is that too many students who go to college don’t succeed. Only 56 percent of those who begin at a four-year college graduate in six years. And only 29 percent of those who begin at a two-year college graduate in three years. As recently as 2010 (the last year for which data is available) the majority of 25-34 year olds did not have an associate’s or a bachelor’s degree. Add to this the massive expense of higher education and the fact that many who don’t complete their degrees have taken on student debt. This is contributing to the lack of social mobility that many are experiencing.

So what makes a difference? More than anything, it’s the training they receive in their homes before they leave those homes. Academic and professional success flow from character and maturity. And as Christians we know that character and maturity flow from a God-mastered life, from the heart of a person who has bowed the knee to the Lord Jesus Christ. Such a person views every sphere of their life—academics, recreation, spiritual disciplines—as an expression of their worship (Rom. 12:1). It’s all about putting the glory of God’s grace on display—loving God with our whole being, and loving our neighbors as ourselves (which includes developing expertise in specific fields so that we’re competent and employable, able to feed our families and support our churches).    

4. Your own children are pretty young and not exactly ready to take the SAT and apply to college. When you leave your university classroom and office behind in the evening and head home, what are things you're doing now with your younger children to prepare them for college? Can you give us tease into just how parents can and ought to be preparing their teens for college?
Teaching them to love learning—to actually enjoy the exercise of their mental faculties, as they gain mastery over subjects they didn’t previously understand.  And similarly, I want them to see that while learning can be difficult, it can be done. A common expression we hear from Karis (almost eight) is, “I can’t do it!”  That’s what she says when a math problem is not immediately obvious to her. What I want her to learn in those moments is to push herself through that initial difficulty—to assess and categorize a problem, to develop strategies, to call upon fundamentals she’s previously learned, to ask for a hint instead of an answer. When she succeeds, I remind her that it can be done. I pray that all my children experience the thrill of learning.
It’s not that I anticipate God will gift them equally in every subject. That rarely happens. It’s that continuous learning, and joy in learning, will make them excel in wherever their God-given passions and talents lie. And that in turn will generate vocational and avocational success.
5. Preparing Your Teens for College is for parents, it sounds like from the title. What would you say to a young person who was brought to faith in Christ in high school but they don't come from a Christian home, don't have parents who would read or understand this book, and, though a real believer in Jesus and the gospel of grace, are wholly unprepared for college? 

I’d encourage them to pick up a copy of Thriving at College. In that book I tell students how they can make their college years a launching pad into all that’s associated with responsible Christian adulthood.  Thriving at College explores topics such as growing spiritually, embracing responsibility, loving God with all your mind, growing in character and maturity, striving for academic excellence, balancing work and recreation, finding your calling, establishing godly friendships, handling the transition from high school to college, time management, financial discipline, and honoring parents while pursuing functional/economic independence.  

6. There are other books on the market on this subject; how is yours unique?
I’m not aware of another distinctively Christian book for parenting teens with a view towards preparing them for the academic and professional challenges that come with the increasingly crucial (and increasingly expensive) college years. I covered the gamut of issues that parents need to consider as they train their teens—character, faith, relationships, finances, academics, and the college decision itself (including an assessment of two-year options and skilled trades). There’s also an Appendix on how parents can plan and save for college.   
7. How did you get connected with Tyndale for your publisher and what have been the best parts of that relationship between author and publisher for you?
Everyone at Tyndale has been completely supportive of the message and heartbeat of Thriving at College and Preparing Your Teens for College. That’s made for a great partnership.
8. If someone were to ask you why you go to all the trouble to write a book like this--or any of the books and articles you have written--what would you say is your purpose for writing?
To love my neighbors as myself, by imparting to them ideas and truths that I believe will change their lives for the better. 
9.  A question more about the writing process itself, if I may. When and where do you do most of your writing?
In my home office during the evenings, but also on my campus office on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I don’t teach as much.
10. Where can folks go to find out more about Preparing Your Teens for College and your other books?

My website, www.alexchediak.com, has lots of information about my books—you can read descriptions, excerpts, the Forewords, the endorsements, interviews I’ve done, reviews that others have written, and find related audio and video material. 

THANKS, HEAPS, ALEX! I wish you well and may God richly bless your ministry to our young people, for the glory of Christ and his glorious gospel of grace.