INKBLOTS--Unexpected endings, pig wars, and gut-level writing

"O my head!" I sometimes feel the same when writing

Inkblots on a spring evening, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, rain, rain, sun, rain. Five gentlemen and Dr Rogland joins us this evening and the humor already has begun, former colleague of mine, now retired, author of two published books and several manuscripts stewing away in their juices. Welcome. I propose that we try to keep our comments tight and our reading and explanatory to our ten minutes (okay, give or take). And that we continue the dialogue and comments on the blog comments below, which has the added benefit of bringing our distance 'Blots into the discussion. Had a reader from Denver just this week interested in joining us by skype (we haven't figured out logistically how to pull that off within time constraints) and others want to participate in some way. We invite 'Blots and others to comment below with thoughts or questions on writing.

Patrick is in the dock. We decided last week in the interest of getting more of the big picture that we would have Patrick attach a short story to us all and that we would read and critique his whole story tonight. Alan commented on Patrick's mastery of dialogue, is the man as bad as he appears, genetic engineering and zombies, and a weird twist at the end. I thought he should exploit the computer journal dialogue more; started with a more significant role for the Dante or Beatrice and then it faded. Use this far more, in my opinion. Have interruptions from Mary or Dianne, or Nick (by the way, you need to develop Nick more fully; he came out of nowhere near the end, for me). I felt like there were some awkward transitions and a difficult entry to the story. With your explanatory last meeting, it made sense and we were hooked right off, but when I read it on my own, I felt like it was too clipped a beginning, like I needed more context at the gate. Patrick kind of likes it that readers don't entirely know what is going on (more like real life?). Okay, but the contrivance must work for the reader or it won't get finished or reread. Alan compared this piece to Dostoyevsky's Notes from Underground, sort of a short story prelude to Crime and Punishment.

Alan read a blog entry (what he does when he doesn't feel the forward momentum on one of his poetry or fiction projects). This one about a commemoration of the Pig War. We are being Pacific Northwest heavy these days, not by design, just is what it is. The blog begins with a summary of the history leading up to the Pig War conflict, launched when an American settler shot a Hudson Bay pig rooting in his potatoes on San Juan Island. The 1859 dispute was on. The proposed commemoration meal? Pork and potatoes, what else? Alan writes in a chatty manner that flows naturally and is easy to listen to, and filled with fascinating information, in this case, about our local history. Alan is one of those high achievers who are intrigued by everything around them, and never weary of learning new things. Bob pointed out that it could have slipped into broad satire but Alan wisely steered clear of this. Flippancy in print as well as in speech rarely works. As Lewis observed, flippancy "builds up the finest armor plating against the Enemy [God]." Alan is our man who uses a manual typewriter but has not figured out how to practically manage using when he blogs (though he told us some guys are doing it).

John is going to read a little thing he wrote. Parable of the foolish shepherd. As I listen to this, knowing some of the background and the catalyst to John writing it, I am reminded of what Lewis says is the best motive for writing, the motive that will produce the most honest and authentic literature: "Write what you need." If you will allow me to say it, I think John was largely motivated by what he thought someone else needs instead of writing what he needs. We all do this, at least in first draft; that's why the key to good writing is three-fold (at least) rewriting. Patrick suggested using a fable structure, like the three little pigs, three efforts to solve a problem, with three different outcomes. An intriguing organizational structure. John felt like it was a bit harsh, and commented that he wrote it a while ago and might alter and revise it. John realized that he made the servant too perfect and the shepherd the bad guy, almost always an over simplification (like all generalizations). Reminds me of Steinbeck's The Pearl, which he lays out and declares up front to be a parable, a story told with a didactic purpose. We discussed what parables are. Metaphor, this is like that, a story that is like the perceptual truth under consideration, the common thing (vehicle of the metaphor) being something that we know, the high thing (the tenor of the metaphor) being the upper-story meaning, the thing we know less, often in the metaphysical realm of reality. Bible is replete with this. A story that illustrates the instruction being given. Poe, on the other hand, thought that poetry in any case ought not to have a didactic purpose, "The heresy of the didactic," he termed it. But then he was referring to poetry (arguably all imaginative literature) and he was Poe... not the Holy Spirit. I restrained myself from getting into this, but I have engaged in lengthy discussion with other authors about how the best literature penned by pagans or confessed Christians is always purposeful, instructive, is informed by the author's deep concerns about the big issues of life (and if it appears that there is no instructive purpose, that too is indicative of how the author's presuppositions about life and meaning. Being devoted to secularism is no less religious than being devoted to Jesus Christ). 

I read from my Noble Savage novel on the Indian War of 1855-6 in the Pacific Northwest, which I have not touched for a month (with the UK tour to lead and then get back in the saddle and attempt to stay in it). My particular concern is getting dialect right at this point. Noclas is the minor hero (or it may be more major but he is not the principal protagonist), black and a lover of the Bible, and he needs to sound like a black man in the mid eighteen hundreds. Tough one, but I got some valuable input from my brother 'Blots on getting closer to achieving the verisimilitude in his voice that I'm after. Alan pushed back very helpfully on Junebug being too clever, gifted, and hard working for an eight year old. We discussed the way frontier children who had no parents in the picture were forced to grow up really fast--or die. I have some work to do and appreciate so much the critique of these gentlemen. A useful (and fun) 'Blots and welcome again to Bob Rogland for joining us; hope to see you again in the future.

INKBLOTS men and books and gloves-off discussion about fiction and writing

Wilde McComas contemplating
using his stick on me at 'Blots

INKBLOTS – February 16, 2012. Six men on a drizzly Washington evening, warm fire, French wine, good companionship, and lots of words (“Of the making of many books there is no end”). Sometimes we get heated (not just from the crackling fire!). We care deeply about all this, so what would be surprising is if we didn't rankle each other from time to time... this was most definitely one of those times, and all for the good. 

Doug Mac reads the rewrite of his Return to Tarawa, WWII Pacific Theater historical fiction. Doug told us that after working together on Savonarola biography (EP) he realized he needed to do some pretty substantial recasting and rewriting of this manuscript (Writers’ Edge liked this manuscript and judged it with “publishable potential,” a distinction given to only 3% of submissions, but rejected by P&R… so far. Much improved to my ear. Though the comment about the 1^st Pres cathedral-like architecture adding to his budding faith, I found confusing. He doesn’t sound like faith is doing much budding. More like wilting. So it seemed confusing, based on how you have developed his character. I feel like his self-talk ought to reflect more of the double state of mind he seems to be in. Don’t change anything yet, but reread and consider casting him in the more realistic light of a church kid who sometimes wants to want to go to church and enter in to the whole of the life of a Christian, but then show more contrast between the dark side of his fascination with the female, sex, movies—the world and his desire to indulge his fleshly appetites. Make him be tortured by his flesh more, more torn by wanting to be in the world. But then play up the reality for a teen who grows up in the church—they’re Pharisees and are thinking about what might happen if they don’t go to church, or if they break the Sabbath; show his performance-based mentality. Every teen who grows up in the church has this war. So should your protagonist.

David commented that D Mac should minimize attributions that don’t need to be there. My thought on that, “the best attribution is no attribution at all, say some,” but I don’t absolutely agree. They can and ought to be used for cadence and pause.      

Andy wanted D Mac to not tell him how to think about things, but to use more connotation, more subtlety. I wonder if the father is guiding his son in a gospel oriented manner. It sounds to me more like he wants external conformity from his son, like most of us can fall into. What is your objective for writing this? How are you going to resolve this? How is this a critical stage in the rising confrontation and final resolution? The father wants his son to keep the Sabbath, to know the will of the Lord, but there is such a relentless tendency in every generation to prefer legalism (so tidy) over grace (so messy). Unless this is a story about the need for a father to lead his son past the means of grace to the Object of grace, Jesus Christ himself (it makes sense for there to be significant needs both the father and the son have here: both need to reembrace the gospel, look to Jesus the author and perfecter of faith) The father should want his son to believe the gospel, to see the stupendous wonder of Christ and his cross and righteousness. Granted, this is difficult and most often done in a cheesy fashion that diminishes the very thing we want to accomplish, or should want to accomplish. Nevertheless, there are real and reoccurring challenges for kids who grow up in Christian homes. Miss this, fail to confront this, or ignore it, or fail to get down to the genuine issue at stake for a teen who is wondering whether it is all true, and maybe wondering what it actually is, and you relegate your writing to irrelevance. None of us wants to write material that doesn't actually get down to the heart of conflict, and the heart of conflict is always at its root conflict between our proud hearts and the gospel. We and our kids are hell bent on not making the main thing the main thing. Show us this. Make it real, the conflict, and then you can resolve it in the only way conflict can be resolved.

Incidently, our critiques at 'Blots are not just about semi colon use, or attributions, or style, or getting certain facts correct; I think the strength of 'Blots is that we can critique the whole story, get down to the heart of our characters, keep the main thing the main thing in our writing.

John read his charming French Cousins tale, written so warmly for his grandchildren. This is a great illustration of how audience effects our voice in our  writing. I can hear and feel John writing this with love for his dear grandchildren who live thousands of miles apart on differenct continents. Great improvement on bringing the kids' voices into the story in dialog. keep writing on this project. Great potential for a wide audience.

Next I read from the opening of a new nonfiction book proposal I have made to both P&R and Ligonier, with interest from both. It opens on my visit to Amsterdam in 2007 and a disturbing unplanned encounter that set me trying to sort out why there is the historical undulation in the church. D Mac thought I should return to the recent growth and progress of the gospel in Uganda, a good idea I might save for the end of the last chapter, inclusio fashion. A few criticisms of using cliches. Gag me with a spoon! Me use cliches? I'd rather drop dead, slip on a banana peel, fall off a log than stoop to using cliches. 

Tom read an autobiographical fiction piece he is working on--out of the furnace. John said the opening description of his pre-Christian affair with a woman made him uncomfortable. Tom pushed back (we all do this at times, don't we). I suggested Tom read the Bible's accounts of immorality and follow the divine author's lead on how we portray evil. I also suggested Tom read Samuel Johnson's Rambler 4: "Evil must never be portrayed promiscuously but must always disgust + -" D Mac thought it might help Tom to read Flannery O'Conner's Good Country People (discussed in previous 'Blots) where she has a seduction scene that never crosses the line into being titillating, never woos a reader into longing for the sin. 


Dave wrapped up with a reading of the rewrite of chapter one on a new assassin thriller he is engaged in writing. We had previously felt there needed to be more human quality to the protagonist and first person point of view in the tale. 

Inkblots, children's story--15th century biography--WWII historical fiction--and some poetry

INKBLOTS January 31, 2012

Washington rain not snow, Edna Valley, CA Pinot Noir, crackling fire, four men ready to read, critique, and then head back to the drawing board.

John Schrupp (pictured at left) started a new book! I had suggested that he work on a children’s book for his grandchildren: French Cousins. I like the title already. I really like his title for his contemporary fiction novel, Saving Grace (he had to change the female protagonist’s name to achieve the double entendre). French Cousins (John’s daughter is married to Lionel Jauvert, a true blue Frenchman, so he has Franco/Yanko grandkids, adorable ones too). 

I think you should add some dialog. Good straightforward narrative, but kids like to hear other kids talking, being excited. Show how kids talk when they are excited. I also think it would be improved by telling the story from the point of view of one of the children. Maybe you could switch from book to book, keeping a balance between each of the kids as you go. The dominant point of view makes it more real, immediate. Instead of ‘they took a nap,’ ‘they visited the canals in Amsterdam,’ ‘they saw this or that,’ you would write ‘Ruben crammed his croissant into his mouth, Nutella smudging his chin.’ Then show the world through Ruben’s eyes, the other children involved but not dominant, until their turn later in the series.

Better fifth chapter, with more dialog, including French, but translated. Maybe you could have the children asked about why Uncle Lionel pronounces things with music in his voice or if you want to be mean you could call it something else—don’t.

Doug McComas talked about our work on Savonarola and the need to eliminate unnecessary words, particularly valuable is writing in active voice, more immediate, and fewer words needed to say what you’re trying to say. Active voice is when the subject doing the action; passive voice is when the word order has the subject receiving action. For example, “The luggage was carried by the children.” That’s passive voice. “The children carried the luggage.” That’s active voice, and it is two words shorter. If in seven words you lose two, imagine in a 30,000 word biography how many unnecessary words are eliminated by writing in active voice.

Doug McComas went back after working on Savonarola and edited his Monte Casino WWII historical fiction, getting rid of lots of unnecessary words. His protagonist is meeting Christians, different flavored ones, including Roman Catholics. His friend has blast lung, and is recovering, but painfully slowly. Give me a bit more of the volume of sound, the rattling of windows, and the unsettling feeling it produces in the pit of the stomach. It sounds too relaxed for the proximity to the battle.

The description of the Hindu didn’t land in my imagination; what was he doing? The six inches lost me. New Zealanders are not as snobbishly refined as you seem to make them, in my experience with them (just on the phone with a gaggle of them last week—wonderful folks, gotta love ‘em). They tend to be easy going, scornful of snobbery, proud of their ruggedness and hearty life.

I read my Hymn to Synergism, just for fun, I guess. Then I read part of the last chapter of our Savonarola biography, due at Evangelical Press in the UK tomorrow! Several helpful critiques from the men. Thanks Brendon Welch! Then we talked about the importance of varying our syntax, with appositive phrases, for example. And we talked about how much they are our friends, crisp, clean noun descriptive phrases.        

INKBLOTS-our first play wright joined us tonight

INKBLOTS – September 27, 2011

Vully pinot noir from Switzerland; three of us tonight is all, but quality not quantity (and avoid clichés like the plague).

John S leads off with his contemporary fiction. “It must be fall,” but why would she not know this? Work on air being dead quiet; better adjective for quiet. It is sometimes difficult to put back in, pick up where we left off when hearing our ‘Blots brothers read last time. This is a dream, or what? Can you make the description more a piece with her hallucination, or whatever it is; can her observation of the details of their clothes, etc., be more from her perception; maybe her condition makes her keenly observant of things around her. Limbo. Then Emma woke up. This is chapter 15 of 21, a dream that she has that she thinks is from God. She believes that the dream means that her child, if aborted, will go to this mysterious place of Limbo.

Ken comments that as a reader, it would help to have had a subtle clue going into the. Difference between truth and fiction: Fiction has to makes sense. All fiction is contrivance. It just can’t trumpet the contrivance or the verisimilitude is lost. If you have a bazaar dream or hallucination it has to fit in the fabricated reality of the fiction and appear believable to the reader. If a reader says to himself while listening or reading, “This is too far fetched,” then I haven’t done my job sufficiently.

Having said that, John’s dream chapter reminded me within the first couple of paragraphs of C S Lewis’s Great Divorce, sort of a colorless, numb existence, featureless, not happy-not-sad sort of place. Which got us on what age we will be in heaven. Augustine believed we would all be 30 years old, the age of Jesus when he commenced his earthly ministry. The problem of evil. If there’d never been evil, there would be no backdrop on which to see the glory of God revealed. It just doesn’t seem such a terrible place, so why will Emma be so adverse to aborting her baby so that it won’t go there? That isn’t clear to me.

Ken critiqued John’s title idea, graciously, but that’s what Inkblots is about. Confusion about using gospel in the title of the book, with all the gospel of Judas, and other goofy new discoveries.

Ken Williams shared about his writing. He wrote this piece about sixteen years ago when he was off work for two months. Floaters, a murder mystery spoof in three acts. Full length stage play. Act 1, scene 1. 1930s, southern, pool side. Ken does a great southern accent. Kids of wealthy heiress sitting pool side awaiting the demise of their mother, and the windfall inheritance they anticipate.  I find it intriguing how Ken adds considerable director’s narrative in between the dialog of the play. I’ve never tried writing a play, and wonder if this is customary for the director’s script. Shakespeare didn’t add director’s narrative, though he does imbed hints in the dialog itself. Maybe modern plays are like this. His reading of it is energetic, and so that I can see the action happening. We have often discussed this at Inkblots, but the issue of swearing comes to the table again. We talked about Dorothy Sayers and Agatha Christy and crime fiction a bit.

I read from chapter 6 of WEAPONS OF VENGEANCE, or MEAD HALL VENGEANCE, or whatever (still working on that title thing).  

INKBLOTS - Anatomy of fiction discussion and more

INKBLOTS – August 22, 2011

Graham told us about his new writing opportunity. Some discussion of ethics of writing academic material that might be used by students for plagiarism. Doug Mc told us about visiting the web site of an agent who I met a couple of years ago at CBA in Orlando (or it might have been Atlanta). Inviting site that clearly tells how to improve your writing, and write that query letter. 

Graham read the sample assignment he was given to write for this prospective new company to write for. Topic: nursing. To what extent is discrimination prevalent in nursing? APA Style, two sources, 4 pages. Only 2,000, 000 total nurses with 5% male nurses in USA. The critical deal with research papers is to be sure and answer the question without wandering into other issues not specifically defined in the original research question. Graham caught an awkward sentence he wrote simply by reading it aloud. They asked specifically for opinion about how to resolve the discrepancy. We discussed the value of citing authorities for recommendations rather than being the writer’s opinion. Stylistic clarity, thorough answering of question. Graham really likes writing this material, and it shows. Doug Mc wondered if some of the verbiage might have been improved by tightening up a bit. 3 hours of writing on a topic he knew very little about before he began.

Doug Mc discusses whether what he is doing with Captain Waskow, real character written about from Ernie Pyle’s account of the Monte Casino campaign. January 10, 1943. The account of one of the captain’s soldiers holding the dead man’s hand for five minutes and straightening his collar—very moving. Now Doug Mc’s borrowing from Pyle’s account. Doug seems to have settled well into his first person, present tense point of view. An encounter with Ernie Pyle, war correspondent. The reading aloud test is helping Doug catch some of his awkward syntax. Explosions, some redundant syntax. How do you indicate breaks on the page? You told us a few times that there was time that had elapsed. Curious how you are showing this to your reader. I always try to rewrite so that my words indicate the lapse. I use a 3 word test to help me avoid ever plagiarizing another author: if I find I’ve used 3 of the other guy’s words, I attempt to rewrite in my words.

We talked about attributions, ‘best attribution is no attribution,’ say some. I don’t agree, although it is a helpful target.

I read chapter 4 and 5 of my Anglo-Saxon tale. Comments on my shifting point of view to Cynwulf’s wolfhound’s animal instincts. My hope was for this shift to not be a fundamental shift away from Cynwulf, but rather a further development of his character as seen through the relationship with his wolfhound. Graham asked about how you write fiction. We talked about the anatomy of fiction and how it is a mirror of the reality God has made in his universe; the conflict enters—and every good tale has conflict—and we start flailing around trying to solve the problem on our own. It never works. In fact, our efforts always make matters worse.

I’m having intense writing times these days, 6-8 hours a day, ramping up to try and complete this manuscript and get if off to the publisher by September 1. My mom has been such an enormous help to me lately, letting me write in the garden of her condo, keeping pots of tea coming at me, making me lunch, listening to excerpts and offering her comments. It’s been really fun to write under these circumstances (the basement room I had been writing in was getting oppressive). From title page of my Anglo-Saxon tale, still searching for good title:

“…the minds of the Anglo-Saxon race… maintain that Your Sin Will Find You Out… [that] the kingdom of hell is within us.” Dorothy Sayers

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